Family Support Services - Where Can We Find Help? (Ep. 43)

We all agree (and letters and comments confirm) - the family feels lost. Doesn’t know what to do, where to turn, to get help with:

Finding options and services

Sorting through them

Place to vent and share/run through ideas

Our guest today provides that kind of help, and she is here today to share some tips with us. 

Guest, Bonnie Lane, (from Chicago area) 

For more than two decades, Bonnie has worked privately with families dealing with mental health issues. She has counseled individuals and families as  they successfully navigate the maze of care and resources available for young and older adults.  Helping families in times of crisis is her mission and her passion.  - The mission? - SUPPORT. 

 Bonnie will support you on your road to acceptance of the new normal. 

• Why does the family feel so stuck and unsupported? (and need services like yours)?
• Do you have a personal story that led you to do this work?
• What are the top areas of need? (legal? social services - benefits etc? emotional help for family?)
• What are the top tips you can share with our listeners to get the information, ideas, and support they need?
• Re your services:How much does it cost?
• Are you aware of other companies like yours in your  area or other areas? 
•  Does any insurance cover your services and if so do you  take MA? 
• What you do sounds important and needed, but is it only available for those with financial resources?

Links:

https://thefamilysupportservices.com/

Here's the YouTube link for the CATCH presentation. 

CATCH L and L - Creating a Game Plan

Want us to cover a topic? comment to share?

Facebook page @Schizophrenia3Moms

@SZ3MomsTrenches -  twitter

Randye Kaye -Broadcaster, Actress, Voice Talent, Speaker, and Author (“Ben Behind his Voices”, “Happier Made Simple”)

Miriam Feldman – Artist, Mom, Author “He Came in With It”

Mindy Greiling – member of the Minnesota House of Representatives for twenty years. Activist, Legislator, Author (“Fix What You Can“)

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to our podcast, Schizophrenia. Three moms in the trenches. From the place where schizophrenia and real life collide. East Coast, West Coast, Middle America. With Miriam Feltman, Mindy Gryling, and Randy Kay. This is episode 43. And today we're going to be talking about something a lot of our listeners are constantly asking about. Where can the family find support? Where can we find help? A brief Who We Are, if you're new to us, we're three moms and authors and activists. We're also mental health advocates for our sons. And we've been pooling our experiences and asking different experts about the family experience with serious mental illness. And we exist to share information and ideas and support. We have been there, we are there. We each have a son with schizophrenia. And today we have a guest whose business is to help provide family support services. And she's going to have a lot of tips for us. So hello, Mindy. Hello, Mimi. And hello to Bonnie Lane. Welcome. Hello, everybody. Hi, thank you for inviting me. You're so welcome. Let me share what I know about you, and then we're going to dive right in with questions because our listeners have a lot of questions, and so do we. For more than two decades, uh, Bonnie, you've worked privately with families dealing with mental health issues, and you counsel individuals and families to navigate the maze of care and resources for young and older adults. You do this in the Chicago area, but and we are from all over the country here, but I'm sure that you have tips that can help anyone anywhere. Your mission and your passion is helping families in times of crisis. Yes, that's exactly right. Tell us, um let me start by asking you if you have a personal story that led you to this work, and then we'll go on from there.

SPEAKER_02 2:15

Well, as you hear, coincidences happen everywhere. Um, my first job out of graduate school put me in the role of crisis intervention at a local mental health agency in the city of Chicago. And I was working with chronically mentally ill people while my kids were still young in middle school. And um, I found the work very rewarding working with this population. And as my kids got older and I needed to be a little bit more present for driving them around and things like that. I took a job at a local youth services agency. And one of my roles was um I ran support groups for parents of bipolar and schizophrenic children. I was the parent support person and I ran support groups for about six years. The beginning of year six, my eldest child, who was then at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, came home with in the midst of his first psychotic episode. So I no longer was just the expert in the community, but I was now a parent of a schizoaffective child. It's a little bit different, isn't it, on that side of the table. No kidding. Now I thought that I had this all together. I thought, well, I knew all the local resources, I knew the hospitals, I knew psychiatrists, and I was a therapist working in that field. And boy, was I wrong. I made every mistake anyone could make. I fell into every pothole that appeared. I like to say that everybody has bumps in the road, but those of us that are responsible for a loved one with a severe mental illness, we got boulders that we have to pull out of the way. We don't just skip over them. And um, so as I was on my journey to get my son into recovery, and it was a long journey, we had 10 hospitalizations, a long-term residential program in New York, keeping in mind I live in Chicago and was working, um, a six-month stint at a local facility where he was living, and it was um a mental health facility called Thresholds, the largest one in the state of Illinois. And then I brought him home. He finished college. His life continued to go on in and out of hospitals. Um, about Did you say he finished college? He did finish college when he returned home from his first residential program. I found a local university that was very good at accepting credits, even though years had gone by. And for a full year, I drove him to school because he was uncomfortable feeling that he would actually walk in each day. And so I drove him to school. I would work from the car in between, I would pick him up. We had lunch dates every day, but he was the one that successfully finished college. Um, he graduated with a political science degree, even though in college he was in the honors genetics program, but he found something he could graduate with quickly, and he did. And when he walked down the aisle at graduation, he was the only student that did this, and five years older than everybody else.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

But he was not watching, she is raising her hands. Oh, he was in like, whoo, hands up, hands up, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:55

So excited that he graduated from a little local college, a local university called Northeastern. It was a small school, but I knew it would be a good fit for him. And he had applied while he was going through his recovery to every college and university in the area and constantly getting accepted because his grades were excellent at medicine. He was just mentally ill, but he felt that he had lost his ability to be looked at as somebody with any intelligence. He was um equating his mental illness with his intelligence, and it took him a long time to understand that the two are not mutually exclusive. And yes, you will have a mental illness, but you are still a smart person.

SPEAKER_00 6:45

Yeah. Can I uh can I um because we could make this whole thing about your son, and I'd love to hear your story, and I did not know this about you. I just want to ask you to clarify two things. When he was while you were playing um, you know, Carpool Mom and doing everything for your child, you're definitely you get the um another Mom in the Trenches award. We mail them out, you know, in 2035. You'll get it. But um, you get the award nobody wants the mom in the trenches. Was he in treatment so that he could succeed? Okay, and the other thing is that is he aware he has a mental illness and does he cooperate with treatment?

SPEAKER_02 7:25

Okay, well, yes and no. So um I would say that today, August 27th, my son is doing incredibly well. April 27th. I mean April 27th. Okay. My son is doing incredibly well. But he still struggles with suicidal ideation. We were at the psychiatrist yesterday getting his medicine tweaked, and he just moved out of a mental health facility five weeks ago. He is living independently in the community, working at the library, volunteering at the mental health facility where he was living for two years through COVID and doing great, but his symptoms are not gone. He still has racing thoughts, but he now is um an advocate for himself and has enough insight to tell people when they occur. And I feel that that's a huge accomplishment. I believe in celebrating small successes, and this is a success that I think is monstrous.

SPEAKER_03 8:31

Absolutely. When you're navigating, excuse me, when you're navigating with families and helping them, do you use your son's success story as to put it up as to give people hope?

SPEAKER_02 8:45

Um, I'm very selective about that because I don't want people just to look at me as another mom. They need to feel that I am the expert in the field. And I also don't want them to measure their kids' successes and failures against mine. My son is 40 years old. He has been ill since he's 20. So it wasn't an overnight success. Um, so his success today, I cheer regularly, but I want people to understand that it's a road and there are ups and downs. And even if somebody is um responsible and compliant with their meds, seeing their therapist, seeing their psychiatrist, it doesn't mean that tomorrow they won't feel great and decide to go off their meds.

SPEAKER_03 9:36

I think a practical way to think about it. I think that a lot of, you know, some people there's the recovery movement, and then some are not so wild about that terminology because recovery is very different for other people. So absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 9:53

And I think recovery is the word that we need to use because there is no cure. There are new medications coming out every day, and different things work differently on different people at different times. And things that worked last month may not work today or next year, and tweaking is necessary, and making sure that you have open communication with your psychiatrist and therapist at all times so that they can know what you're doing. I call that taking your temperature. I take my son's temperature every day. I totally need to know where he is.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

My my answer when people ask how Ben is doing is uh um, what day is it? It's a good day if it's if it's a good day. And we all know it could fall apart tomorrow. It could fall apart for anybody tomorrow, but we know it. Absolutely. You know, it could fall apart for for families with neurotypical children, but we don't want to think about it. We've just seen it happen so many times. So thank you so much for sharing that story and your perspective. And I I get what you're feeling when I teach family-to-family classes, and I am the teacher, but we're also going through it at the same time. So the I understand I'm also a NAMI board member. Yeah. So we're all we're all doing our best with what we've got. And before we um, when we were chatting before we started recording, you told me that there is such a need for this, just briefly, so we can go on to talk about the family support. To illustrate the need for family support, tell us briefly about the lunch and learn you just did and how many people showed up.

SPEAKER_02 11:34

So I was invited to do a lunch and learn through a local mental health agency, and it was um preparing your rising freshmen for college when they struggled with a mental illness. And it was last week, it's available on YouTube. Um, it's through an organization called Catch, C A T C H Okay, and you give me the link and I'll put it in the show notes. Okay. Um, I will. It's uh I and I was honored. 95 people showed up for a lunch and learn on Zoom, all in the North Suburban Chicago community. So that just gives you an idea of how many people are struggling. And the number of emails that Katz received saying, Will this be recorded? I'm working during that time, means that it was at least double that number of people that find that they need this. We want our children to be like narratypical kids and go off to college and have the experience, the social emotional experience, the growth, the individuating. And we want to make sure they're prepared or they're prepared. So I do a post-secondary boot camp with families to help prepare them for college when it's gonna look a little different.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

All right, thank you. All right, we're let's ask some questions. Mindy, you want to go for one?

SPEAKER_03 12:58

Sure. So um I'm wondering how you interface when you're working with families with HIPAA, you know, why are families feeling so unsupported? And do you run into HIPAA when they feel that way, or isn't that a major factor with people you're working with?

SPEAKER_02 13:17

Well, I have identified myself as a therapeutic consultant and family coach and communication coach. So because I'm not identifying myself as an LCSW or a psychologist, even though I do have multiple degrees, um, I have arranged it in a way that families can feel comfortable. And because of COVID, I have closed my private office and work 100% on Zoom. And that way it's worked out really well because families that are all over the country, you know, when they're divided, if parents are in one place and siblings are in another, or father's at work and a mom's at home, everybody can join in on the conference and we can all work together because we are a team. Um, and I just kind of facilitate the team to come up with solutions and strategies to make their lives and the lives of their loved ones better.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

So when you're when you're providing um support, I was assuming it was just a local to the Chicago area recommending resources for people. Is that not true?

SPEAKER_02 14:28

No, it's not. Um, I do work primarily when I'm working with housing, I do find things that are local to the Chicago area. But I have got clients all around the country who just need the general support, general information. I help them find resources in their own communities. And when I work with people that are in school, I find resources in the school or college in the university or college area so that they can provide that for their loved ones. So, no, um, a lot of what I do is very common sense and you don't have to be living in Chicago to take advantage of it.

SPEAKER_03 15:10

So tell me what families are working with families then and not the person with the mental illness. So that's why you don't run into HIPAA then.

SPEAKER_02 15:19

Correct. I do not work the I work with the identified person. Um I may I do recommend that the identified person has a psychiatrist and a therapist, and I work with them. I work very closely with their providers to make sure that we're all on the same page. Um, but I personally work with the family that is supporting the individual.

unknown 15:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 15:45

So the providers actually talk to you about I have all releases signed. Oh, you get the releases signed. Got it. Okay, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 15:53

And the releases are also signed by the individual that is being identified. So, yes, like somebody's therapist will talk to me. So if they didn't sign the releases, then what would you do? Then I can only speak with the parents in generalities, and I can't speak with the family, um, the family providers. I cannot speak with the psychiatrist and the therapist without a release.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 16:19

What are the some of the top areas that you work with? Are people interested in like legal services or like I do?

SPEAKER_02 16:28

Yes, legal, yes, legal services are everything from mental health attorneys to advanced directives for mental health, for hospitalization and psychiatric care to power of attorney for mental health or power of attorney for health, as well as estate planning, like special needs and supplemental needs trusts that are very important to provide for our mentally ill loved ones to safeguard their assets and make sure that they have money when they need it. Because not everybody is the most responsible with their money when they're mentally ill. So are you kind of a connector then? You're connecting people to attorneys or I yes, I work with a number of attorneys, including Social Security attorneys, to make sure not everyone knows what they're entitled to benefits-wise. So um in Illinois, it's Medicaid, Medicare, Social Security, and Social Security Disability Insurance. And I do the pre-screening to make sure that I know what I'm looking for so that I can refer them to get the most benefits that they're entitled to, and make sure that they can access the services free of charge.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

Not the estate planning, but social security. I I've got to tell you what's running through my head, which is that this woman is a dream come true. I can just imagine all of our listeners going, what's her number? I need her now. And so if you're listening, I want you to know we are going to ask about cost and who pays for that. That is coming. And we are going to get to if you can't afford Bonnie or you don't have a Bonnie, tips that Bonnie has to help the family know how to reach out yourself. So absolutely that's where we're we're going with that. I mean, I'm listening to you going, I I just want to marry her. Yeah, I mean, wherever 15 years ago. Yeah, we uh let me um and by the way, Mimi, and Mimi is dealing with um leaf blowers at her home. The gardeners are making a lot of noise, so that's why she's relatively quiet, but it's not too bad when you unmute it. So, you know, if you feel free you when you want to ask a question.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

Well, I say enjoy me being quiet while you can. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:49

So, Bonnie, when a family calls you up and they're at the end of their rope, what is going on with them?

SPEAKER_02 19:00

Um, most people don't call me until they're in crisis. I wish people would call me when their illness is first identified or when they're beginning this road, because I could save them so many steps and a lot of aggravation. But I get a lot of calls where um loved ones have been arrested because they've committed a crime while psychotic and they've already hired, like let a public defender take over without me helping them find a mental health attorney in their area, because a mental health attorney can get them into mental health court and avoid a criminal record. Um, I also sometimes they call 911 and their loved one is being incarcerated instead of hospitalized because they don't know how to speak to the police. I guide them toward making sure that the one of the first things they do is develop a relationship to the police department social worker so that when they do need to call 911, that a CIT trained police officer comes to the house for de-escalation instead of comes to the house with sirens and flashing lights, which can only escalate and trigger the situation. So when they do call me though, it's there's there are some that are calling me for pre-advice, which is great, but it's always with a very serious mental illness, something's going on in the home that they're not able to handle. A lot of times they're bringing a young person home from college because they've developed, you know, they read the book. So between 18 and 25, they have a psychotic episode. And so they're bringing their kid home and they failed out of school and they didn't have a release with the university to know in advance. Let me know if something happened. So they didn't have that done. So now I guide them through or call the university on their behalf to get those classes dismissed. They can drop them retroactively. So with this bad grade or this F doesn't follow them. And then we worked on what we need to do. I find them community-based mental health resources. I people call me with all different problems from uh anxiety, depression. A lot of used to just be addiction to marijuana, which we know is very common with our kids self-medicating, um, sometimes triggering our psychotic illnesses. And now there's a lot of gambling. Um, legalized gambling and legalized marijuana has created a lot more obstacles for our kids toward getting into recovery because it's so easy to access it.

SPEAKER_03 21:39

What percentage of the kid of the families you're working with are dealing with schizophrenia as opposed to some of these other things you just mentioned?

SPEAKER_02 21:47

Most of the people that call me are dealing with schizophrenia, bipolar, or schizoaffective disorder.

SPEAKER_03 21:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

Um, I really work primarily with primary with uh severe mental illness.

SPEAKER_03 22:00

Many, um, I'm on I'm gonna ask how many people of color you work with. I'm on a uh task force for in Minnesota, and we are I'm I've been trying to make the point that I feel like people of color sometimes don't have as much access to how to avoid getting their kids in jail when they have serious mental illness. So with your piece of the pie with what you do, how many of your clients are people of color? Unfortunately, not enough.

SPEAKER_02 22:28

Yeah. Unfortunately not enough. I do have um an African-American uh preacher who is also a therapist, and she refers a lot of people to me. And I do that pro bono because I know that people in her community cannot afford my rates, even though my rates are very reasonable, but I do that as a service because I really like her and respect her. And when she reaches out to me, I always say yes. Um, I'm also on a number of boards where we are working toward gaining more diversity in the populations that we serve.

SPEAKER_03 23:08

I I'm like you, on I'm the president of my local NAMI, and we're definitely having success getting more diversity, but it takes you have to do a lot of conscious effort. So, what are your rates then?

SPEAKER_02 23:19

We my rates are $200 an hour.

unknown 23:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 23:24

Um, so I I charge similar to what a therapist would charge, but you don't have to be with me for 10 years. You know, I'll I made a conscious decision when I was a therapist and switched to this case manager, care coordinator role that I'd never again say, and how did that make you feel? So the things that I offer are things that people can keep in their pocket, notes they can take, they can call me at any time. My cell phone is my office phone. Um, and I try to give them a lot of information at each call and homework. Um, I give them things that they need to do, calls that they need to make. I try to empower my clients to do as much as they can by themselves so that I don't have to charge to do it. I always say my favorite client is the one that I no longer see. It means that they have followed the directions, they are now comfortable with their decisions, and they know that they can always come back. Do you take insurance or MA? I do not take any insurance. Um, because I identify as a consultant and coach, insurance is not eligible. I'm also not a therapist anymore. I am a case manager. And in the state of Illinois, case management is not covered by insurance. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

That's thank you for the straight answers. And I I I get your point that is, and I love that you give homework. Is there a network of people that do what you do across the nation, available in other areas? Like I thought we interviewed Mike Macniak, and I think he does something similar in Connecticut, not quite the same. But so many people, when I teach family to family, are like, I don't know where to begin. Where do I, you know, where's the expert? No, nobody seems to understand SSI and SSDI. And so are there, do you are you in touch with other people who do what you do? And is there a network? I wish there were.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

I get calls from around the country from people that are in the Social Security or the Doors office, Department of Rehabilitative Services office, asking me to help the people the families in their areas because they have no one. I would love there to be more people that do what I do, but it's hard work. Um, my time is not my own. I work many hours a day. And you have to be kind of on call because you know, I get the call. We just called 911. I do all discharge planning for hospitals for my clients. I don't allow a hospital social worker to do the discharge planning because I want to make sure that they are discharged at the time when they should be. I'm on the NAMI Legislative Committee as well, and we've made a lot of changes with the laws. And one of them is that the insurance companies are no longer responsible for discharge aid. It's the psychiatrist in Illinois. So I have very stern conversations with psychiatrists explaining to them no, you can't discharge them to the street. There's a family waiting and they're not ready to go, they're still psychotic. So I wish there were more people that did what I do in the state of Illinois. I am NAMI's referral.

SPEAKER_03 26:45

Some of us by the School of Hard Knocks, certainly me, um, have learned to do that for ourselves. And but I often wonder, and I mentioned that in my book, you know, what about the people that don't have the access? You know, when Jim got sick, I was in the legislature. So I could call in any of the experts from the agencies, the lobbyists, all the mental health organizations. And then I try to mentor as many people as I can kind of informally, I do a lot of what you're doing, but that's kind of uh um, you know, pebbles in the sea, I guess, people that know people like me to call. Um, but I uh and it's very draining. I know when I have had an evening of a call with somebody, I'm tired because I their pain.

SPEAKER_00 27:33

So I um Mimi, I want to give you a chance to try to unmute and and ask something. Um give it a sh give it a try so that we know where you're yeah, I actually think I'm okay now.

SPEAKER_01 27:44

Um okay. I don't hear a leaf blower. It's been I'm in Los Angeles and it's been either a helicopter or leaf blower the entire time we've been talking. Um, you know, my first thought was where was she when I started this? God, what I would do for that. But you know, I just keep thinking about the people who don't have money, you know, because they've been like I know that there are also there's there are so many um, or there are some services that are available, but it um the whole thing is it's such a mélange of different places and hospitals and providers, you know, you're just running around chasing all these things and you know nothing. I mean, and in the beginning, you don't even know that there's a possibility of somebody like you or that you need it. And um, I would imagine you don't even have to advertise, you just have people calling you all the time, correct? I have never advertised.

SPEAKER_02 28:44

Um, I am completely word of mouth. Uh, or mental health agencies refer to me, Nami refers to me. I'm also on another board called No Shame on You. It's another local mental health organization. Um, but I um no, most of my clients are referred to me by other clients.

SPEAKER_01 29:04

I just want to wait to create or to you know raise some awareness so that we could have somebody like you in each state. Because of course, you need people, the laws are, as we all know, the laws are different everywhere too. And um I wonder how to get the word out, how to train, you know, it just seems like something that we should have available. And I don't really have a question, but I do want to also say thank you so much for doing the pro bono work because that's so wonderful, because it allows the possibility of this kind of help for people who can't afford it.

SPEAKER_02 29:42

I do work with um an Orthodox Jewish organization also, that whenever they refer to me, I do it pro bono as well. So I have a few different people that when they call me, I do work for them pro bono.

SPEAKER_03 29:59

And I wish that we had funding, you know, from the government or people like you for everybody. In Minnesota, we have a bill going through the legislature right now for competency restoration. And one of the components is to have a navigator for the person who's undergoing competency consideration. That's only after the person is in huge, deep end trouble. You know, why not have a navigator that works with the person with mental illness and their family much sooner and heads off getting into court or having committed a crime and is incompetent to stand trial? That seems like have you ever, you're working on the legislative committee in Chicago? Has there have you ever worked with legislators to possibly consider funding navigators like you for anyone? Serious mental illness.

SPEAKER_02 30:56

We did just pass a bill. I guess it's in the house now, but it's um we're waiting for it to be funded and then it'll be signed off by the governor, but it will be funded. And it's to increase workforce, and we're going to be using CRSS, people with lived experience, to be trained um to work with volunteers. We're increasing our 988 line, which I know is a national uh mental health hotline, and that's going to be served by CRSS, people with lived and experience. So I think that that's really the best way to do it is working with uh the community that exists that have lived through this. We can, first of all, we're helping by giving them employment. And I'm actually trying to convince my son to do it right now. Um, and we just got a grant to pay the tuition for, I think it's like 80 people, or maybe it's, I think it's about 80 people to be trained as CRSS providers, and they'll be able to work for mental health agencies, and that will provide more resources at our living rooms, which are drop-ins, and a great resource for people with mental health. And it's also a great resource for families because they then can go there and it's free of charge and it's linked to a lot of local mental health agencies, and we are expanding the living room concept all over the state. I love that. So that is one way to get that. But I, yeah, the in terms of getting navigators paid, I am thrilled that we're getting more people, more mental health providers getting a living wage so that more people will go into it, and we can that way get more services out there because people can learn this, they just have to want to.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

So let me thank you for all that and and that information. Let's turn now to a family that might be listening. That's like, help me now, please. I can't afford you, help me now. But do you have some tips? I mean, uh we've talked about that families have emotional needs. That's what you do, I think, on the side, but you know, social services, legal, disability benefits, like um, or even emotional. What would be your top tips, some of your top tips to tell a family who is going through this and they're lost? They don't know where to turn, what to do, like what would you tell them is what's the first bit of homework you would give them?

SPEAKER_02 33:38

And what the first thing they should do is find their local NAMI and sign up for a family-to-family class. I really am a firm believer. I did it when I was a new parent of a schizophrenic son, and I shortly thereafter joined the NAMI board because it became so important. Um, so I think that that information that you get in that 10-week class really sets the groundwork and it also gives you a community. It's really important to not feel alone. So the people that you go through the NAMI class with are people just like you, and it gives you somebody to call. Um, so I think that's the first thing I would tell people to do is contact their local NAMI and take a family-to-family class.

SPEAKER_00 34:27

Okay, and by the way, just That's what I actually do too.

SPEAKER_03 34:30

Could I ask you a question, Randy? Since you teach family to family and I took it 23 years ago, how much of this information that we're talking about does NAMI cover, must not cover enough of this because people come out of there and still have questions.

SPEAKER_00 34:46

Well, here's uh first of all, uh the it's now an eight-week class. Used to be 12, now it's eight. And because of COVID, we are now offering it virtually, which is a great placeholder. Not exactly the same as the in-person, but uh in my Connecticut class, I have people from Minnesota and Colorado, and so and you know that's oh, the schizophrenia three moms lady is teaching, and they all signed up. But um, it's still effective and it's still the learning. And what happens is we send worksheets every week, and I send them a week in advance, and some people read them in advance, and some people wait for the class, and then there are sheets and sheets of information. The crisis file is something you get on week two that has probably 25 pages of information. And if you have a totally local group, you can put the uh appropriate phone numbers in and so on, but they're encouraged to find the numbers and write them down. They're given a families are given a lot of information and family-to-family things like you know, keeping a record of what's going on with your child or your spouse or your loved one. Let's just say your loved one, what medications they're taking, what happened, keeping track of symptoms, having handy who to call when this happens, when that happens, what to do in case of violence, what to do in case of suicidal ideation, what you can ask, what you can't do. So all that information is given. It isn't all necessarily discussed at length in class. This week we just did the week where we cover all the major mental illnesses. Nobody in the group was dealing particularly with um PTSD for military purposes. So we skimmed over that, but the information is still there for them to read later. A lot is provided generally about looking for services and who to talk and what you can tell a psychiatrist. So a lot of it is there. Can't make people read it, yeah, but a lot of people do. So, yeah, see, a lot of that information is there. Of course, that's not the same as having a Bonnie to say, let's call this person and that person and that person.

SPEAKER_03 37:00

So I think that I was gonna say what the people number two that afternoon.

SPEAKER_02 37:05

What I think is really unfortunate because of the pandemic is I thought one of the biggest um benefits of Nami's class was the community. And I run a lot of support groups, and they're all free and they're all national. So um I run a support group for families with him who have an adult loved one with a severe mental illness. It's a weekly run group through a local mental health agency, and I've got people all over the country that join me, and I don't charge at all. And since I don't charge them, they don't charge anyone. So it's worked out really well. And during the pandemic, I was running three and four groups a week uh for people living in isolation with a mental illness and people, you know, responsible for somebody in their home with a mental illness, and they can't leave, and you're working from home and your mentally ill-loved one is there. So um I always felt that community was the most important thing that I could encourage people to do. And so that's why I do support groups, because I want people to feel they're not alone. I want people to get their information from each other. I think it's a wonderful thing when somebody else is providing an answer to a question that you had because they've lived through it. And so I do a lot of um Randy's question. Well, Mimi, why don't you tell us how you handled it when you had a similar situation? And it empowers everyone. When you're helping somebody else, you're really giving to yourself, and it makes people feel like I'm ahead, I've done this, I can help somebody else, and it strengthens them.

SPEAKER_00 38:46

Okay, so they also know it's Sammy support groups and community. Any any other tips, top tips that you feel well.

SPEAKER_02 38:55

I think that you should always find out what benefits you're eligible for, because things are age related. If you have a first hospitalization before the age of 21, you're entitled to more than if you have a first hospitalization at 25. Find out where they find this information through the Social Security Department in your local area. Um, talk to your estate lawyer, determine what trusts are appropriate so that you once you do get social security, or if your loved one inherits, you know, heaven forbid your loved one inherits and has all that inherited index, and they will not be able to work full-time ever in their lives with their chronic mental illness. This way it safeguards their assets so that they can use it for housing, use it for a car, use it for life. So I think it's really important to access the professionals in your area that provide these resources. Also, look for your local mental health agency. They will have a lot of information for you. They will give you the information that you need, like if there are support groups or where the drop-in centers are, where the living rooms are. Um, uh most of the time, those services are also free of charge. They accept Medicaid. And if you don't, they have a very, very um generous sliding scale. So you could be paying as low as five or $10 a session to see a therapist. So it's important to access the resources in your community using the benefits that you have. And you tell them, say, you know, my loved one is over 21, unable to work, an indigent adult, really important word. An indigent adult means they don't have assets of their own. Even if they're living in your home, they can be an indigent adult and therefore entitled to the sliding scale, even if both you and your husband are doctors.

SPEAKER_00 40:52

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 40:52

So we don't want you to spend money where money doesn't need to be spent because it is very expensive. And these are the things that I talk to my clients about. I always tell them ways to save their money, which is why I try to empower them to do a lot of the lead work on their own if they can.

SPEAKER_03 41:12

Do you have handouts that you give them?

SPEAKER_02 41:15

When you give them homework, do you go through that orally or do you everything is individualized because everybody I talk to has a different personality and they receive information in different ways. And sometimes I can just tell them what I recommend. Sometimes I have to send them an email reminding them of all their assignments in between sessions. Sometimes I tell them how to do it and tell them that they're free to call me back. And people send me emails and text all the time, and I'm fine with that. Once you're my client, I don't like nickel and dime you. You're my client. If you have a question, I'm not charging you for the question. You're my client, you want to talk for 10 minutes, I'm not charging you for that.

SPEAKER_00 42:02

So we we are um running out of time. We're running getting to our final minutes, and I want to make sure uh Mimi is uh do you have anything else to say or offer or ask? And then I just want to ask a final question.

SPEAKER_01 42:18

No, I mean it's funny. Usually I have so much, but it's like I'm just sitting here and it's music to my ears. Everything that you're saying is exactly what I wish existed in every state and city for everybody. Me too. Yeah, it it's just it's fantastic.

SPEAKER_00 42:38

Yeah, I thank you. I agree. I uh have uh an emotional question and then gonna ask for a final word. So my emotional question is this do you get families calling you who once they get to know you, they say, Wow, I should have called you sooner, but I was ashamed.

SPEAKER_02 43:03

So many times. Either they're ashamed or they have this belief that it's a cold, that it's gonna go away, that if we just wait another week, another month, another two months, it's gonna go away the way it came. And they wait and they wait until it's a crisis, or they say, I'll get one spouse to call me and the other one is still in denial, and they won't allow the spouse that's trying to get help to do the things that need to be done. And it's very, very difficult because I get one spouse calling me and crying, and I'm saying, can I talk to your husband or wife? And they'll say, I wish you would. They won't come to the phone, they're embarrassed, or they don't believe it's anything. If I hear somebody tell me one more time that their spouse says that they're Your child is spoiled and acting out. Let's just pull his money. Let's, you know, they don't understand that mental illness is no different than physical illness. And we have to treat it as just a medical condition and respect it as a medical condition.

SPEAKER_00 44:21

I think those are actually beautiful final words, but I want to ask, oh, how can people get in touch with you, your website, and uh and just any last words that any of us want to say? So, Bonnie, give give us the deets.

SPEAKER_02 44:38

Okay, so my website is www.thefamily supportservices.com. The family support services.com. You can reach me directly at Bonnie Lane at the Family Support Services.com. And um I uh if you there's a way to email me directly through the website. And there are testimonials which I'm very proud of because I've never asked anyone for one.

SPEAKER_00 45:07

What is that you recommend for people, by the way? Do you ever recommend books for people to read to educate themselves or um the books that you mentioned before? Um like we love um surviving schizophrenia and I'm not sick, I don't need help.

SPEAKER_02 45:26

Like oh I'm not sick, I don't need help is one of my all-time favorites. Um, Touch by Fire, I think is excellent. Um uh of course, you would we were talking earlier about Hidden Galley Road. Um there are so many things that are wonderful. A friend of mine just recently told me about a book that I now want to read.

SPEAKER_00 45:50

And if you give me a half a second, um, while you're looking, I hope after this you'll add, he came in with it, fix what you can, and bend behind his voices as memoirs of the three moms in the trenches that might help people feel a little bit less alone as well.

SPEAKER_02 46:07

Okay, so the book I just heard about is Scarlet and Blue. And it's by Jennifer Murphy, and it's the story of a schizophrenic mom, and she tells her story, and it's supposedly very, very good. And I have not had an opportunity to read it. Okay. Um, I think that we have to be careful about fictionalized tellings of stories because we have a whole episode on fictionalized movies that got wrong. And my final word, Dark, you can have a happy ending. That with correct medication, compliance, advocacy, doing your DBT, learning what you need to learn, learning strategies and coping skills and having support around you, you can have a happy ending.

SPEAKER_03 47:01

You know, from meeting you, my final word is you're helping people with you know all these mechanics and everything. But I will say I think the best thing you do for your clients, whether you realize it or not, is give them confidence. You can work with the mental health system.

SPEAKER_02 47:21

Absolutely. That is my goal. I always say I empower my clients so they can empower their families.

SPEAKER_00 47:30

Thank you so much. Mimi, any last words or we're good? We're good. Well, thank you so much for joining us, Bonnie Lane, the Family Support Services.com. We hope we can clone you and send you all around the country.

SPEAKER_02 47:46

Thank you so much for inviting me. And um I just think that what you're doing, the community that you're building and supporting other people is wonderful. And I'm proud to be a member of your community. You are because we all need that support. Knowledge is power, but community is key.

SPEAKER_00 48:10

That is our ending line and over and out. Thank you so much. Thank you. Hey, thanks for joining us for this episode of Schizophrenia Three Moms in the Trenches with Randy K, Mindy Gryling, and Miriam Feldman. To get in touch with us or to learn more about our books, please visit our websites at MiriamHyfenfeldman.com, mindygryling.com, or randyk.com.