Not-So-Happy Holidays? How to Manage with SMI in the Family (Ep. 57)

What if, for families coping with SMI (serious mental illness) in a loved one, the holiday season is "the most difficult time of the year"?

The 3 Moms Discuss - Holidays past, in joy, crisis or grief - and how we currently celebrate what is...the best we can.

Some tips we share:

• Lower Holiday expectations and Marketing Myths (e.g., perfect holidays)
• Plan Ahead - even for possible disaster
• Have a Plan B - and maybe C, D...
• Include Your Loved One as Much as Possible, Especially if They Can Help
• Don't Let the "Unsqueaky Wheels" feel ignored
• Cherish the Good Moments - Find the Positives
• Be Willing to Change Traditions as Needed
• Set and Enforce Limits  - Know Your Boundaries
• Imagine How it Is for Your Loved One
• Family Love Matters - You Do Make a Difference

Happy (and Realistic) Holidays to You All!

Want to Share Your Story in a Voice message?
https://benbehindhisvoices.com/tell-us-your-story/

Resources:
Look Again Podcast: https://www.bcss.org/lookagain/
Tips from NAMI: https://www.nami.org/Blogs/From-the-CEO/December-2021/The-Most-Difficult-Time-of-The-Year-Mental-Health-During-the-Holidays


Mindy and her book: https://mindygreiling.com/

Randye and her book: https://benbehindhisvoices.com/

Miriam and her book: https://www.miriam-feldman.com/

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:01

Love matters. It may not have the magical effect that we wish it would have. If love could cure, all our loved ones would be cured. But there are a few things we can do to get ourselves to have as good a holiday as possible and our families as well. Tis the most wonderful time of the year. For many of us, what do you do when the holidays don't quite live up to the hype, especially if someone you love has a serious mental illness? Today, we talk holidays, realistic expectations, plans A and B, and a way to get through and love. Welcome to our podcast, Schizophrenia. Three moms in the trenches. From the place where schizophrenia and real life collide. East Coast, West Coast, Middle America. With Miriam Feltman, Mindy Gryling, and Randy Kaye. For episode 57, which is in the middle of our season, but the last episode of 2022, we just thought we would do what our listeners have asked us to do, which is to just chat about the holidays and how we get through it, times we haven't gotten through it, what tips we have to help families who are dealing with serious mental illness in a loved one. And I don't know if we can solve all your problems, but we can have a conversation. And sometimes these are the episodes that our listeners seem to like the best. So let's do just a quick, quick roundup of where we are and then just talk about the holidays. I have a list of tips, but I think it's good to kind of chat about why it's difficult to begin with. We have holidays coming up. They're challenging for many reasons. I had COVID. My daughter and her three kids got the flu. My son is coughing, but tells me he's fine, but I haven't seen him, but he couldn't cough. It's just been crazy. And we celebrate Hanukkah, but our friends celebrate Christmas. So it's everything everywhere all at once, as they say. My fear for the holidays this year has become how close is it to the date my son gets his injection of a long-acting antipsychotic? And what's he going to be like when he visits? Because I know the two or three days before the injection, and people who are helping care for him agree it gets a little more difficult to ignore his inner world. It is what it is. I know what I will do if I'm uncomfortable. And that's where we are. Many of our listeners already know our stories, but if you don't, my son is 40. He's been hospitalized about 10 times and has been in a group home for about a year. And they applied for section eight for him, and he got it, which means he has 30 days to find an apartment or he loses it. So now we're in an apartment hunt that he thinks he can handle on his own. So the holidays will be filled with that stress of will he find a place to live by the end of the month? So those are the challenges I'm a little concerned about coming up. I will be less concerned after the 28th, which is the day the nurse comes to give him the injection. And he just and he tries so hard. He tries so hard all the time. My heart breaks for him because he the struggle to stay with us when his inner world is looming large is very visible to me, and he's busy denying it. But I see how hard he tries, especially around his nieces and nephew, to be present. It's an effort. What's your challenge, Mimi? What's going on this year for you?

SPEAKER_02 4:02

Well, it's kind of low-key this year. I took Nick and we went to Virginia to his younger sisters for Thanksgiving. My husband didn't go because he's still afraid to travel. It was an ordeal, you know. I'm glad that I did it. I always feel like, okay, I did what I'm supposed to do, but it's not fun. You know, it it there's just so much wrangling and so much troubleshooting that you never relax. You never relax. But I feel good that I got him with family and we had a nice Thanksgiving. You know, getting him up out of bed to join everybody before one in the afternoon is hard. It's all just a lot of work, but um I'm glad that it happened. And I decided to just release myself from any expectations for Christmas. I mean, I really find in this life the key to happiness is low expectations. But I um uh for thanks, I mean, for Christmas, the girls are where they are, nobody's coming home. It'll be just Craig, my husband, and Nick and I, and I'm gonna make a nice dinner, and we're gonna have a nice dinner, and I'm very relaxed about it because I don't have to worry about anybody else. So that's good for me.

SPEAKER_00 5:20

Okay, so so out of that story already, we have found tip number one, which is lower your expectations. And we'll talk about that more. Mindy, what's going on for you?

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Well, I'm just gonna also give a shout out to Kwanzaa for as another holiday in this time of year that could cause stress for some people. I am following both of your paths of trying to have a low expectation, low stress holiday. I'm a person who loves, loves, loves Christmas. And I sometimes I used to make like over 20 kinds of cookies and um just a million hors d'oeuvres, and I always tell people, don't bring anything, I love to cook and so forth. And fast forward then to 2022, I've managed to get myself down to 12 kinds of cookies. And I have to say, Jim actually enjoys helping. You know, when I make the cornflake wreaths, he will put on the red hots, or if cookies need decorating, he often helps. He also often sleeps through it when I'm working because he also doesn't get up any earlier than Nick does. Um, so it's just a matter of not trying to do too many things. And one way that I've learned over the years to lower stress is to do a lot of things ahead. So Jim buys Christmas presents when he was using drugs or strapped for money. It might be a candy bar or a bar of soap or something like that. But now that he's sober and working, he has money and he likes to get nice presents. So he's got like a sweatshirt for his sister and things like that. But but he needs to shop ahead of time. We can't just cram it all into the week before. So we have our tree up at the first day of December. The presents are all wrapped and we put them under the tree at that time. And it just, if we do everything ahead, so we can kind of parcel out the things and then sit and look at the tree or have the fire going or light the candles, that is what we need to do. There's not there has to be a lot of relaxing with all the things that go on.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

Okay, so in that, thank you. In that, I'm hearing, I'm just making a list of tips out of what you're saying. And what I'm hearing is plan ahead as much as possible, include your loved one as much as possible, but forgive them if they don't help. And plan relaxing activities, take the stress off yourself. Now that, you know, that's something that can help any family, but let's talk a bit. And you know, we are pretty seasoned moms here. We've been dealing with this a long time. I have spoken this week to a few families who are in the throes of the crisis. And so let's talk a bit about what we remember about holidays past. And yeah, shout out to Kwanza, but also there are so many holidays. There was a post on Facebook today that I loved, which is just like, you know, there are about 29 different holidays that are celebrated around December by different people in different countries and different parts of the world. So I'm fine with saying happy holidays because I don't think mine's any better than yours. And I just kind of love that sentiment. So, but I think we can all agree that this time of the year, for almost all of us, is a time where we take stock, we try to celebrate, we try to see family, and we have some high expectations about how fabulous it should be. Mental illness or no mental illness, it never or seldom lives up to the hype that we create within ourselves. But when we have someone in our family who is unpredictable or worse, we may be facing a holiday with our loved one hospitalized, we may be facing a holiday with our loved one gone because they succumbed to the illness by suicide or other reasons. We may face a holiday with disruptions if our loved one has a psychotic break. So these so I think if we can just expand this list of tips that will help us and other people as well. I just try to focus all the time on if it's a good day, I go, I made some more good memories. Like you say, Mimi, it's not, it's work. It's work to pick my son up, drive him home. Is he gonna talk to me today? Is he not gonna talk to me? Is it going to be a good day? Oh, it's not gonna be a good day. Okay, well, maybe we can salvage some good moments out of this. Like so, lowering expectations is huge. Um I I made a list a while ago of things that help. And one that I put was belonging matters. And I would say that as removed as our relatives, our loved ones may seem to be from our families, at least in my son's case, a good deal of the joy of his life comes from knowing that he belongs with us, of knowing that he has his family. Um, when his illness is uh not being treated, that's not so evident. And sometimes we have to stay away. But when he's treated remembering that I don't know, I tell myself sometimes maybe the universe gave me this person to take care of, and I'm just gonna do my best. But to remember that your loved one is still part of the family, and to whatever extent we can to include them in family celebrations and let them break away if they need to, just try to find some ways to have fun together. That's any comments on that?

SPEAKER_02 11:50

Yeah, I think that's great. I think that's a great idea. And you know, for me, uh what it's come to in my life is two things. Always have a plan B and always be psychologically and emotionally prepared for everything to blow up and go to hell at any moment. And there's a kind of a freedom in that, you know what I mean? Where it's just like this is this thing that's out of our control. And so I always have a plan B, and I always tell people, yeah, this is what's gonna happen unless it all goes to hell. And if it goes to hell, sorry. And um so far, you know, the it's in the in the last years, it's been much better. In the past, I mean, we used to not include Nick sometimes because it was just too much. And I think that there's a lot of families who are forced into that position, and it's incredibly painful when you have this child that's part of your family and you can't include them, you know, it's just not a possibility. And I think that what I would say to the other moms, especially in that sort of a situation, is forgive yourself, you know, let yourself enjoy what is good and what is possible, and sometimes it's just not possible to have them there, and that's allowable. That doesn't mean you're a bad person or a terrible mother, and sometimes you have to make that decision on behalf of your other kids because your marriage your marriage, you know, the kids deserve a happy, carefree moment at Christmas or at holidays. And if if it's going sometimes, I would think, well, you know, Nick doesn't even in the past, Nick's been in such a place where I could tell him what day Christmas was, he would never know. And I figure if I'm gonna like if it's not even gonna upset him, why would I include it? Let the girls have a nice holiday.

SPEAKER_01 13:51

Yeah, we've had some hellish Christmases. Um, you know, I it's we're peaceful now. Jim is a member of the family and he seems like, you know, pretty normal compared to anybody else, excuse me, because he's on closopene. But before that, um, I can think of one Christmas where he was in a treatment center and he'd been there for months and couldn't get out. He had no place to go, and he they would not let him out for anything, including Christmas. And so he was not here. And that was the saddest Christmas that we've ever had because he wanted so badly to come home. His sister and her husband and our granddaughter were here, and they did go and visit him at the facility. Um, so that was really, really nice, but it was a pretty marginalized Christmas. Um, I can remember another hellish Christmas where um everybody ended up, you know, pretty much yelling at everybody else. I had to take Jim to the police station because he wouldn't get out of the car. He was doing so poorly. I wanted to take him back to his house or to his apartment. And our granddaughter was in the backseat, and our son-in-law, and they were kind of terrified. I think they thought he might, Jim might grab the wheel and pull us off the road. And it just got to be such a power struggle that I drove to the police station, got out with Jim, and told my son-in-law to take our granddaughter home. And then they went home and I, you know, got the police to take Jim home. And I just walked over to the skating rink and cried, you know, that was our Christmas that year.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

Yeah, Merry effing Christmas, right? Yes. Yeah. So I and I never heard that story. I Ben's last visit to us was um about a week and a half ago because everybody had flu, and you know, and it got we got off on a bad, bad foot. He's usually so excited to see me. Uh, but I am seeing he got in his nails were just so long. And I know not to say anything, I know not to say anything because he's an adolescent inside, even though he's 40. And if mom says it, it must be wrong. And I just said, Do you think maybe you're not getting hours at work because your nails are so long and you you've been wearing the same pair of pants for like he's starting to not groom the way he used to, and um that just he was he became a snarly 15-year-old. And uh about five blocks down the road, I went, you know what? I don't think we're gonna have a very good day, and I'm gonna take you home. No, don't take me home, and you yelled at me, you know, and and I have to remember he's very sensitive. What to me sounds like a suggestion to him sounds like yelling. Um, we just had a quiet, I just didn't try to keep the conversation up all the way home. And then he wanted to go to the mall and have me buy him lunch. And I was just like, I don't know that I want to sit with you, but you know what, I'll give it a try. And I I put here, find ways to have fun together. Once we got out of the car and I just zipped my lip about what he looked like, just like when he was 15, we had a nice lunch, we walked around the mall and it salvaged the day. And then when when the grandkids came over, he was great. But there's always that like lurking in the background that things, like you said, that things could turn into disaster in a second. But it it brings up some of the things that we've talked about because I was ready to enforce my limits. If I wasn't comfortable, if I felt that our conversation, if it was going to be a really argumentative day, I have the car, I could turn around and drop him off in this group home. And and I know there are a lot of our listeners who don't have that luxury of another place for their son to live, or a daughter, or a loved one, or so, but it's where we are right now. So so in that story is find ways to have fun together. Sometimes it can turn the day around.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

You know, something else about that story that that resonates for me is this issue of shutting it down. Because so many times I found myself in a situation where he wasn't good and it was going to be a problem, but shutting it down was going to make it worse. If I said, I'm gonna take you back home, or if you know, I refuse. So then I would go along and do something I didn't want to do and go not enforce my own boundaries because I was afraid of the consequences of taking something away from him. And that's you know, that's a terrible position to be in. And I think we all find ourselves in that position. It's sort of like this Sophie's choice thing of like you have your other kids and you want them to be happy, and you have this kid who you have to deal with all these extenuating circumstances. And if you take a stand with the kid who's sick, then the other kids suffer, or it can turn on you, and it's really an untenable place to be. And I just want to give a shout out not only to Kwanzaa, to but to all the mothers out there who and fathers and fathers who are in that position where there's no good solution, or there's nowhere for him to be but with you, and you have to constantly be second-guessing and judging and finding the path of least damage, and it's not a very festive place to be.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

I used to be an elementary teacher, and the kids, if one kid is misbehaving, all the other kids really want the teacher to crack down on that kid. And eventually, if you don't, it'll infect the whole room and they'll all start acting out. But they really want enforcement. And I find with my daughter, if when Jim wasn't doing well, she really wanted me to crack down on him, you know, and make sure that he didn't ruin everything or and she didn't understand what you're talking about, Mimi, that it could make things worse if you, you know, tried to be severe with somebody who's who's psychotic or high. And that is a big balancing act. One time um Angela ended up herself in tears because things weren't going that well. And and then she told me afterwards, well, you just mom, you want everything to be perfect on the holidays, and it just isn't ever isn't with our family, and you might as well face that, you know, it's just never perfect. And so, but you want it to be, and you want us all to be happy and get along, and and so um, so we've had many times like that, but it's such a relief, I have to say, you know, Jim is now 45. As people get older with schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, they truly do, I think, balance out somewhat. I think it's not just all the clozapine, I think it's also Jim getting older, it's probably 90% the clozapine, but there is hope on the horizon um for people like our sons. And Jim is a very good evidence of it with the clozapine and being older.

SPEAKER_00 21:23

Thank you. I believe the statistic is um that not all, I think it's like 55%, I think 25% get better. I don't know, it I learned it in family to family, but I don't have it in front of me. But it's it's a percentage of people who do get better as they get old, but older, but it's not everybody. So what is it? It's a small percentage.

SPEAKER_02 21:47

It's a small, and by they say is by uh get better, they mean improve.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

They don't mean it's not like they don't have schizophrenia. Right, right. And so once you say that, it's probably mostly. The closetine, then it's probably not the getting older, but whatever it is. Um, it whenever we're talking about the past, that reminds me of how grateful I am that we're where we are right now. And I hope our listeners can get here too.

SPEAKER_00 22:15

Right. And and if you're listening and you hear something, you're like, Well, what is that? We have several episodes. You can just go to where our episodes are and do a search, put clozepine in there. We have several episodes where we talked about that. Uh, Mimi's son, Mindy's son is on it. My son was and no longer is. We have an episode on conservatorship. Can you force them to take meds? And no, the answer is no. But you know, a lot of the things we're talking about, this the feelings of siblings. We interviewed our daughters in one of the other episodes. So, you know, we're we're getting up to a lot of episodes now. So if you don't want to start at the beginning and listen to all 57, pick and choose the ones that are meaningful to you because that is really helpful. In fact, there are some other really terrific podcasts. Let me take a minute and tell you about one of them. You know, the community of families dealing with serious mental illness is not confined to schizophrenia, three moms in the trenches. When we run across another podcast that we believe in, we want to share it with you. This one comes from Canada and it's called Look Again, Mental Illness Re-examined. If you want to learn more about mental illness and its impacts, but you don't know where to begin or how to continue, take a listen. The title once again is Look Again, Mental Illness Re-examined. It's a podcast that aims to start important conversations around serious mental illnesses like schizophrenia. Follow Phaedra Aldridge, CEO of the BC Schizophrenia Society, as she connects with medical experts, families, and people with lived experience. Listen to season three of Look Again wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back, Schizophrenia, Three Moms in the Trenches. We're talking about holidays and how to get through them.

SPEAKER_02 24:09

You know, something else that I found really helpful with my family is when you are doing events where it's the extended family. I got to a point where I just was very frank with people. And I would have conversations beforehand, and I would say, look, this is how it is, this is what could happen. This is how I'm gonna deal with it. And if you can't roll with that, don't come. But he's my son, and he's gonna be at the table, and um it's not gonna be, you know, uh a Christmas Hallmark movie. And also I would say I don't think anyone has a perfect Christmas, you know what I mean? I think in reality, you this probably resonates for everybody because you know you hear all the stories of the you know, the blow-ups and everything. So we're not that different, it's just that we have a little bit more incendiary of a family member to deal with. But I do find I have found that talking to the extended family and saying what's going on and sort of prepping them is helpful.

SPEAKER_01 25:15

I agree. That's a really good point. And one thing I do too is try to prep people about how to best interact with Jim, you know, because I found that one time we had a Christmas where the cousins and Angela were all separate at another place talking, the people Jim's age, and then Jim was all by himself. And and I talked with Angela afterwards. I had gone and sat with him and talked to him because they were kind of ignoring him. And I found out that Angela was thinking that's what he wanted, to be left alone, not to be talked to, because that would be too stressful for him, when in fact he was yearning to be included, but he couldn't think of what to say. So I have um coached them now to ask him questions. He, if he can't think of what to say, but someone asks him a question, then he can he interacts. And so you have to kind of prep people because I think a lot of people just don't know how to deal with people with schizophrenia.

SPEAKER_00 26:15

Those are great points. And and a lot of it is is knowing your limits, knowing their limits, managing your expectations, and having a realistic holiday, whatever that might be. And we we all have to change our traditions as our families change. I I've never had a picture perfect Thanksgiving, but we've had some lovely ones. And every year we used to go to my younger brother's house, and it was the same, you know, it was it was a tradition every year, but you know, people get older, and now he's got five grandchildren of his own, and so they moved their Thanksgiving to his son's house. So now I have a new tradition, and it's just my, you know, so traditions can change, and certainly if someone gets ill, conditions change. So I think we've set up the challenges. Let me go down this list and just so that you know, you don't leave this episode with like, oh my gosh, I'm just gonna bury my head in the sand and wake up on January 1st.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

I was thinking we don't sound very upbeat today.

SPEAKER_01 27:28

Yeah, I feel very up because Jim is doing so well, but I don't want to feel bad because I have been there too. That's kind of where I'm why I'm bringing these other things. But I'm actually feeling the happiest I've ever felt at a Christmas this year.

SPEAKER_00 27:42

Oh, that's great. That's good. And that that that can give hope. And I really do believe that love matters, that it may not have the magical effect that we wish it would have. It if love could cure, all our loved ones would be cured. But there are a few things we can do to get ourselves to have as good a holiday as possible and our families as well. So I'll just run down this list and uh I will put it in the show notes. But we talked about number one, which is that belonging matters. Your ill relative is still part of the family. Although when we get to number four, set and enforce limits, it's up to us to figure out make a plan, make a plan A, make a plan B, set realistic expectations. But if possible, include him or her in all the family celebrations, find ways to have fun together. Item number two is that I think we all want to be needed, and that is a huge thing. I think part of my son's situation right now is that for some reason his job is he's not being given hours. And he says it's a scheduled conflict, but I think they're icing him out. And there could be any number of reasons for that, one of which may be that he gets symptomatic and they don't know he has schizophrenia, and they may think, who knows what they think, but he doesn't want to talk about that, and I don't talk about that. And he's he he won't starve, but his ego is hurting, and I have to remember he's really hurting. So, because he wants to be needed. We all want to go someplace. So if they can help with chores, if they can help with the dishes. For my son, he's really good with the kids, and if he's watching the kids, my daughter is grateful. So being needed really helps. I need your help, usually resonates with everyone. It resonates with my moody four-year-old granddaughter, who, you know, if I say, you know, I really could use your help with this, almost everybody responds. So if that's possible, that's something that can make somebody feel included. Number three is we've spoken about this for the last half hour, adjust your expectations. Remember that your loved one may not be able to express love the same way he used to, but that he or she can still love in their own way. The more you know, the more you'll understand. So, you know, we've certainly gotten educated and we're educating our family members as well. But if you're at the beginning of this process and you don't understand what's happening to your loved one, get as much education as you can. Listen to our podcasts, read, take family to family uh from NAMI, what the more you know, the more you'll be able to cope realistically. Number five is imagine how it is for them. Remember, your relative could be stressed by excess noise and chaos. If they need to leave the table and go outside and take a walk or have a cigarette, that's what they need to do. So if you can imagine how it is for them. Six is find the positives. If you got two good memories out of the day, you got two good memories out of the day. When things are stable, take the time to appreciate those moments and keep your sense of humor as much as you can. We haven't talked about this today, but there's been times when never laugh at anybody, but if you can laugh with them, that can be helpful. Or after after the fact, however, you can find humor that is shared, that can help you through. And then the the last one is it you do make a difference. Family love matters, it matters a lot. And those are my tips. Do you have anything that you I you you've uh you've mentioned plan ahead, plan relaxing things, have a plan B and be prepped for disaster. And we've all talked about lowering expectations. Any anything to add?

SPEAKER_02 32:11

I think the sense of humor. And um obviously you're not gonna point at your sick family member and make fun of them, but you can have a sense of humor about this. And I mean, that's certainly been the thing that saved my family. It's just like, well, here we go. And you know, just this thing of okay, you know, that's what our family is like, and um sometimes it's funny. And again, I mean, I know we keep talking about lowering expectations, but I just think that just letting things unfold the way they're gonna unfold and and having a sort of a loose grip on your preconceived notions, you know what I mean? And then just let it roll, you know, and sometimes it can be a shit show, and sometimes it can be wonderful. You know, I remember once um we were all here together, and Nick uh some two of the girls were visiting, and we're all in town, and we'd taken a walk, and we then went into a coffee place. And you know, sometimes going into a restaurant or something can be a nightmare. Well, we went into this coffee place and they had a bunch of games that you you know, you could sit around on couches and play games, and we said, Well, let's play a game. And we picked up this game, Apples to Apples, and the whole family played it. And Nick, for some reason, the way his brain worked could really click into that really well. And the fact that we know him as well as we know him, he would say these bizarro things, and we would um guess the right answers because we knew how his brain worked, and I just, you know, it was an unexpected delight, and it was one of my happiest memories of just there have not been that many times when the whole family's been together laughing and having a good time, and apples to apples did it for us. So you need to be open, you need to be open to just change course.

SPEAKER_01 34:12

I'll add to that. You mentioned Randy asking for help, and that's one thing actually, Jim does really well at holidays. He has certain things that he does, like he always makes the punch. He had he purchases what is going to go in it, and he takes joy and the ratios and you know, getting it to taste good. And he always makes the coffee when we have dessert. And believe it or not, whenever we have asparagus, which we have for sure in the springtime, but for Christmas sometimes too, um, asparagus with holiday sauce. And he is good at not getting the asparagus overcooked, and he's a master at making the holiday sauce, which I don't have time to do. You know, I would never serve it because it's that last minute thing, and then it won't even be hot if you don't make it at the last minute. So he is like a real big help, and he's done those things, including the Holanday sauce, when he hasn't been doing well, but they're they are soothing for him to do somehow, and they help me. And then uh piggybacking on Mimi having fun. Um, one thing we like to do and always have all our lives, and it's something that puts Jim into a really good mood, is playing family games, you know, like Clue, where you can have lots of people playing or uh trying to think up things and quiz games or all of that kind of thing. The person with schizophrenia often, if they're going back to in the past before they were sick, that's a high functioning place for them. And um, so the family games bring us all to that spot and we have a lot of laughter.

SPEAKER_00 35:55

That's awesome. I know if my son's feeling a little aimless, we we play boggle and we're very evenly matched. Um, Scrabble or Boggle, like we like the word games. But I love that idea. We don't play it. No, I don't think there's I always think, oh, we should have family game night, but they're all everybody's on their phones. So we gotta fix that. So I think I I I hope that whatever holiday you are celebrating now, one of the 29, I can't name them all, but whatever it is, I wish you and your family. We all wish you and your family the the best. I hope these tips are helpful to you. We have a lot coming up in 2023. And um yeah, we've got some great topics. And of course, Mimi and Mindy, I wish you uh wonderful. I hope it meets, I hope it succeeds, um, exceeds your low expectations and that you have some fun. And um let's all do what these time, this time of the year, the holidays are all about lighting the midwinter darkness. And that goes right in with finding good memories, finding a fun moment or two that you can treasure when this season is over, and that's what it's all about.

SPEAKER_01 37:15

I've done my stuff so far ahead that I have nothing to speak of on my calendar till Christmas. And we're gonna watch a movie after this podcast is done.

SPEAKER_00 37:25

All right. Well, I'm gonna go to bed because I'm doing morning radio tomorrow and I'm getting up soon. So I'm so that's it for episode 57. We have some guests coming in January. Watch our Facebook page, Schizophrenia, Three Moms in the Trenches, and you'll see more about what's going on. And by the way, we are planning to have an episode where you, our listeners, are invited to join us and tell your story in probably four minutes or less. We have a process we're going to do, and a few people have already volunteered. But if you would like to be one of the people to tell their stories, because you've heard our stories, we'd like to hear yours. You can go to our Facebook page and um just send one of us a message and we'll respond to you and we'll get that episode going in 2023. Happy holidays and happy new year. Happy holidays. Hey, thanks for joining us for this episode of Schizophrenia Three Moms in the Trenches with Randy Kay, Mindy Gryling, and Miriam Feldman. To get in touch with us or to learn more about our books, please visit our websites at Miriamfeldman.com, mindygrilling.com, or randyk.com.